5 Reasons Why People Are Single
By Linda Dominique Grosvenor

They habitually pick the wrong relationships and donʼt learn from past mistakes. You should always let past relationship woes be a guide as to what you do and do not want in future relationships and stick to the guide rather than bending the rules because youʼre lonely and craving sex or because itʼs a Friday night and youʼre desperate to be seen with a date.

Many men and women are unsure of what they really want in a relationship. Before you go into a relationship with someone who you hope will meet your needs, know exactly what your needs are so you donʼt waste their time or yours. Take time out to learn your likes and dislikes as well as your lifelong goals. As people we have a habit of collecting ideas and habits from previous relationships. Always take time out to get in touch and become comfortable with the inner you before you go out seeking companionship of any kind.

Some men and women are single because they absolutely want to be. They are content in their own space and donʼt need to be a part of a coupling to be happy or content. This is perfectly fine. If this is you, however, please know that you do those who are seriously looking a disservice by putting yourself on the market if you arenʼt looking for a true relationship. Equally so, if you meet a man or woman who tells you that they donʼt want a relationship, you demean yourself and lower your own self-worth by going against your true wants. Engaging them and spending the entire relationship trying to convince them that you are the exception and listing reasons why you are the perfect partner for them makes you look desperate.

There are thousands of men and women out there who are single because they fear commitment. These are the kinds of people who feel that once they sign on the dotted line with you, that thatʼs when the woman or man of their absolute dreams will appear to whisk them off into the fairytale. This mostly happens when we settle in relationships. Set your standards and stick to them. Get the partner you desire and stop dating placeholders who you know are only warming a spot until the real thing comes along. If youʼre waiting for the real thing, stay single until they arrive. You avoid breaking hearts that way too.

There are no good men or women out there and definitely none that can be faithful. Thatʼs what we think and itʼs one of the biggest reasons why so many people are single. Itʼs a trust issue plain and simple. We canʼt blame future partners for the sins of those in our past relationships though. Thatʼs baggage and itʼs not fair. We need to give any new partner the same clean slate that we expect them to give us. Realign your thinking and know the warning signs that help you steer clear of cheaters, but move forward just the same. Believe that what you are seeking is out there seeking you. If youʼre faithful, understand that youʼre not the only one that reveres monogamy and that God didnʼt break the mold. There are faithful people out there waiting to love somebody too.

Linda has made her foray into non-fiction with the inspirational smash hit The Plural Thing: Spiritually Preparing for Your Soul Mate. The author of several popular novels including the page-turning sizzler about summer flings The Hamptons, she maintains a pop culture blog at PrincessDominique.com/blog. Visit her at http://www.LindaDominiqueGrosvenor.com

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5 Reasons Why Some Relationships Don’t Work
by Linda Dominique Grosvenor

You wake up and realize you don’t have anything in common. Love while it can be energetic and romantic in the very beginning, it still has to be fed with commonalities for it to grow and thrive. You need to have more than just a thing or two in common to forge ahead and make a relationship last. Many people discard the need to have things in common and then they soon realize that after they’re together for ten years that they don’t even like the same kinds of foods or television shows. This can disrupt lives. Small things foster togetherness. Learn where your partner would like to one day travel, what their idea of relaxation truly is as well as what kind of books you both like to read. Your common trends are the framework of your relationship.

Individuals in relationships latch on to whoever they’re with and become co-dependent instead of discovering their own worth and embracing their singlehood before finding a partner. A partner should enhance who you are as a person not replace who you are as a person. Many people distort this principle. All couples should have a bevy of things that they like to do together, or places they enjoy going, but they should have individual interests as well, so, they don’t smother each other.

Sometimes people in a relationship have unresolved issues. These unresolved issues are normally with someone from their past, an ex-wife or ex-boyfriend and a partner can idealize the ex or harbor anger or resentment towards them and hold the new mate to an unfair standard—a standard that they can never meet or displace that unresolved anger onto them. The wise thing to do is to fully resolve your past before you move forward in the future and seek out a new relationship. This gives your new relationship a fighting chance.

You are disrespecting someone else’s relationship. Many people in relationships may knowingly or unknowingly display improper behavior for someone who is in a relationship or allow people they know are in a relationship to relate inappropriately to them. Whether it’s bankrolling your opposite sex co-worker’s coffee and muffin every morning from the husband and wife joint bank account or using terms of endearment even playfully with someone you’re “not” in a relationship with, the rule is, if you want to keep your relationship intact, draw boundaries and don’t allow anybody to cross the line no matter how friendly you’ve become with them. If you introduce behavior like that in someone else’s relationship, then you are opening the door to it in your own relationship. Many relationships have fallen apart over much less.

Jealousy and Insecurity ruins hundreds of thousands of relationship every year. This is where getting in touch with yourself before you couple up and get into a relationship should be mandatory. You should be whole and appreciative of yourself and know your self-worth before you come into a relationship. It shouldn’t fall on your partner to boost your self-esteem and stroke your ego. It’s unfair and can become a nuisance. But on the flipside, if the jealousy and insecurity is warranted because his or her co-worker or friend is disrespecting your relationship, you have a right to feel what you feel and their job is to handle it so you no longer feel that way. Put friends in their place even if it hurts their feelings and let your love thrive, flourish, grow.

Linda Dominique Grosvenor has made her foray into non-fiction with the inspirational smash hit The Plural Thing: Spiritually Preparing for Your Soul Mate. Her expertise on dating and relationship issues has been used in articles for publications such as Modern Bride, Jolie, Jewel, Honey and MORE Magazine. A tireless advocate Grosvenor is also the founder of the Love Better Camp Log on and visit her official website at www.ThePluralThing.com.

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The relationship was promising. You made the cutest couple ever, but now it’s over and you’re not even sure why. Women tend to beat themselves up when they reflect back on mistakes they’ve made in past relationships. They talk it over with their girlfriends and try to unravel the root cause to get closure, but women aren’t alone. Men make dating mistakes too and they wanted to come clean about their relationship faux pauxs. Here are the top ten dating mistakes men say they make in relationships.

Not Being Assertive Enough

“I’m not talking about proclaiming my supreme masculinity, but I’ve learned that women appreciate confidence in a man. I always came off a little passive and it proved to be a major turn off. I know women don’t want some overly aggressive jerk, but I failed to find a happy medium between gentleness and assertiveness. I believe that if I had spoken up more in my past relationships, I could have had more control over the direction of it. Not stepping up to the plate and voicing my desires and thoughts made me just as undesirable as a selfish, self-centered idiot.”

Being Too Honest

“Being too honest doesn’t pay. I say this because whenever I’ve explained to women that I am not looking for a long-term relationship, or marriage, but “just sex” they say they are fine with that. I’ve realized that they lie and have an agenda—plotting to make themselves the significant other in my life. And when the time comes to end it they suddenly don’t understand why, and they feel like I’ve taken advantage of them. I’ve come to realize that if a woman is “just sex” you cannot bring them into your personal life, they should just be there to satisfy the need and that’s it.”

Discovering Whether or Not She Has a Man

“I’m not talking about asking if she is seeing someone else, that’s easy. In this case, I’m talking about finding out if her heart belongs to someone else. It doesn’t matter if a woman is with the man or not, if she is still in love with him, then she is still his woman. He may have already moved on, be married to someone else or even dead. It doesn’t matter. You will never get a fair chance at getting her until she lets him go.”

Becoming Sexually Involved Too Quickly

“The biggest mistake or regret that I’ve had is jumping in the bed too quick. I now realize that this always ends up being my biggest downfall. Whether good sex or bad sex, I’ve found that women will completely change afterwards - they will either make more of the sex than was intended or lead me to believe that because of the sex that we are an item, only for me to eventually realize that it was her normal routine. Love isn’t blind, but good sex sure causes it.”

Lack of Attention and Common Courtesy

“There are times when I can admit that I did not give women the proper attention. I answered the phone when I was good and ready or made up perfect excuses to only see her when it was convenient for me and there was improper cell phone usage ie. at dinner, during a movie and in bed too. I think this derived from me not really being into her the way she may have been into me. This was a major mistake because once word spread on campus it ruined my chances with someone I was genuinely interested in. Nowadays if I’m not into a woman, I don’t drag it out. I just cut my losses so that no one gets hurt.”

Being Too Politically Correct

“I was once out on a date with a young lady, and for some reason I asked her how she wanted to handle the cost of the date ie. whether I was to pay, or whether we’d go ‘dutch’. From the moment those words left my mouth, I knew I’d made a mistake. I was just trying to be considerate of the modern times we now live in. I normally pay when I ask women out, but for some reason I decided to change my approach. Never again.”

Misreading a Date’s Intentions

“I learned that first dates are an opportunity to explore without being nosy. There’s something in it for the man and the woman. My mistake was to mis-read the woman’s reason for going out with me in the first place (be it sex, companionship or curiosity). I no longer engage in the ‘psychological foreplay’ of dating; I try and judge a person based on whether or not they are someone I’d enjoy growing old with and move forward.”

Not Making Time To Date

“I normally don’t ‘date’ unless I know the lady well enough to want to spend more than an hour with her outside of our traditional boundaries, i.e., work, gym, college friends, folks known over the years through chance meeting via relatives. While I haven’t given up on finding true love, I was no longer willing to venture outside the daily routine to find another special someone. For me, there was just very little ‘free’ time available to step out on a possibility. While I know this definitely limited my exposure, unfortunately I was at the point where if it wasn’t on the must-do schedule, I used that time to simply just enjoy the company of self.”

Pretending for Sex

“I dated a woman who was sexy, articulate and outgoing, but had a seven date rule. She was fun and outgoing but I wasn’t necessarily into all of the eclectic things she enjoyed doing. My initial goal was to tough it out to get past her seven date rule to get to the intimacy part of things, but I grew tired of making conversation about things that didn’t interest me. Next time I find myself in this situation I’d just sit the woman down and come to some sort of compromise instead of pretending. If it ends up meaning no sex, so be it.”

Overlooking the Obvious

“One day I was stuck in traffic and started a conversation and exchanged numbers with a young lady and ended up making a date with her. I was driving a SUV and she was driving a car. When I picked her up for the date I got the biggest surprise—she was about a foot taller than me. I don’t have a Napoleon Complex but I don’t like walking down the street holding hands with my date looking like her child. So my mistake was not getting all of the facts. We were both quite uncomfortable.”

You have to be proud when men own up to the mistakes they’ve made—take heed and adjust your love accordingly.

Linda Dominique Grosvenor has made her foray into non-fiction with the inspirational smash hit The Plural Thing: Spiritually Preparing for Your Soul Mate. Her expertise on dating and relationship issues has been used in articles for publications such as Modern Bride, Jolie, Jewel, Honey and MORE Magazine. To receive her exclusive article Why You Must Understand Past Relationships to Get the Love You Deserve Today for a limited time only, join her mailing list . Log on to her official website at www.LindaDominiqueGrosvenor.com for details on how to request a free excerpt of The Plural Thing.

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